Being Stuck in The How is Keeping You Small

More and more I see online Entrepreneurs desperately looking for a solution, but forgetting one simple elementary factor:

You’re Stuck in The How Forgetting One Crucial Element: YOU

You must do the inner work first. Unleash your inner creative power! Being stuck in the how is keeping you small.

When I started my business, the personal development world was a complete stranger to me. Up until that point, I wasn’t focusing on growing personally but living within the “Culturescape” and obeying somebody else’s B.S. rules.

Needless to say that I came crashing down and as soon as I felt good again, I would fall again. You see, I wasn’t working on my inner world and I was being conditioned by the outer world.

Continous thoughts were roaming through my mind on a daily basis. These thoughts were making me doubt myself, compare myself with others, waiting for the right moment that all would be perfect. Most importantly they were making me play small. I felt like I had this perpetual need to find a solution and how to do things.

I know I’m not alone on this and I am aware that most of these thoughts come from past events, unresolved situations, and what we hear from the outside world. Other people judging us, saying things that make us feel helpless, small, and most often from loved ones.

“Where your attention goes, focus goes. Where focus goes energy flows. Where energy flows, substance manifests.” In other words, your life is a reflection of your thoughts – what I call the thought-seeds you plant and give energy to. ~ Ockert Möller

I couldn’t agree more: “What we think about, comes about”. 

Have you ever noticed before in your life, thinking that something is going to be terribly wrong and then Boom, it kind of happens! We conjure pictures in our minds and our thoughts escalate based on our limiting beliefs and the rules of society. The more we think about it the worse it gets. And finally, it’s too late to stop it, and therefore when you least expect it, you’ve manifested something in your life that you don’t want.

Has this happened to you? Be honest with yourself and answer this question for me, please.

We’re conditioned from the age of 3 to process everything that our peers taught us and the external societal factors around us. We don’t question the “Status Quo” because we believe that it is the way to do things and solve our problems.

We go about our lives pretending to BE someone we’re not so that we can be accepted and fit in. Those that question and shake the cages of society are considered rebels or hippies. Maybe they know something that the average person doesn’t.

Just think about it! When was the last time that you rattle some cages? It has probably been a while. You don’t want to upset anybody and so you keep quiet.

Well, I don’t want you to be quiet anymore!

Pleasing other people’s needs and forgetting your own.

The moment someone starts working with me, I want them to have a clean slate and start fresh.

Coaches and creative entrepreneurs ask me for help with HOW to design their online presence but the first question I ask them is “What do you really want to SEE, to BE, to FEEL, to HEAR? What do you want for your life and business?”.

When you ask this question you start to dig deep into the reason WHY you want it in the first place. Why is important to you? And why does it matter to you personally?

This keeps you away from finding the solution in the HOW. I ask them to forget about the how! The how is actually all the learning and implementation that is going to take place. However, first, we need to gain clarity in what we truly want so that we can reverse engineer the steps.

The 1st Stage of the way I work is super simple.

We tackle your state of mind first and foremost. Mindset is 80% of your success so it stands to reason that we should start here:

These are the 5 mindset path we focus on at the 555 Intensive Workshop: Unleash Your Inner Creative Power:

  • INTENTION: Identify and visualize what you want? Who do you want to become? What do you want to be known for? What do you stand for? What’s your vision and mission?

  • FACE THE FEAR: This is where we look at what is stopping you from achieving what you want and not allowing you to move forward. Remember that the only thing stopping you is not FEAR is yourself. So, we need to find out what are you most scared of losing when you achieve what you want.

  • REWRITE YOUR STORY: What story are you telling yourself over and over again?

  • DAILY MINDFULNESS: You’re going to be stretched out of your comfort zone as you progress towards what you want to achieve. There will be times that whatever you are implementing you will doubt your actions. This is why practicing mindfulness improves your ability to slow down your mind, focus on one thing at a time and help you progress in your life and business.

  • THE GLUE: The sticky substance that keeps everything together. This is going to require willpower and perseverance on your part. In order to create a consistent and repeatable pattern in your life and STICK WITH IT, you must find the self-discipline to stay in your lane and don’t let the inner gremlins overpower you.

I urge you to not disregard this step. I’ve learned from my own experience the importance of doing the inner work first because when you feel at your best, you perform at your best. And when you perform at your best, you start attracting more positive vibrations to yourself.

It all starts in your mind!

Everything that you are imagining and thinking right now is affecting your ability to move forward. Your mind is a muscle that needs to be trained and guided.

In this first step of the 555 Intensive Workshop, we are going to help you “Heal with Art” therapy and we are going to use a creative process to gain self-awareness and self-reflection in order to gain insight and develop self-control over our emotions. The Artwork is a visual representation of thoughts, feelings, and daily images.

These mental images can offer solutions to problems and insights into the cause of these feelings. Those insights allow you to accept and create new responses to emotions felt. This, in turn, will help you to improve self-esteem, extraordinary self-empowerment, and the development of skills that will help you to deal with life’s challenges.  This creative process can foster self-awareness, boost self-esteem and increase personal growth.

Let me know in the comments if this article has helped you somehow and in what way. Are you going to continue in the “Stuck in the How” mode all your life? Or are you going to explore the possibility that you can change your current reality?

You don’t have to be stuck in the HOW, but instead be in the NOW! ~ Sofia Reis




Learn How To Get More Yeses on Your Sales Calls

Who doesn’t want to know about getting more Yeses on your sales calls! 📞

Do you want to slay your sales fears and overcome those icky feelings around asking for money on your discovery calls?

I’ve invited Sanae Floyd to come and chat with me and discuss all things discovery calls.

When I started my business I struggled with my sales calls. You see, at corporate, I’ve worked in many areas but never I had to sell a product or service. So, this struggle was a REAL pain for me. And obviously, when the time came that I had to sell my services, I would literally do it all wrong.

3 mistakes I’ve made in my sales calls:

  • I would be so anxious beforehand and desperate to win the client that I would lose them immediately.
  • I talked too much. I wasn’t listening to what they wanted.
  • And finally, I was so focused on explaining the whole process, that oftentimes I was giving them, even more, overwhelming thoughts to process. I completely disregard the benefits of working with me.

Meet my guest…

Sanae Floyd is a powerhouse coach and sales mentor for female entrepreneurs, a certified Canfield Success Principles Trainer, and Founder of the Paid in Full & Prospering Academy. With two decades of experience in sales, Sanae helps entrepreneurs across the globe to master psychology and the strategy for success, working with them to increase their impact and their income.

Questions that we tackled in the video interview:

At 9:40 minutes: What are your thoughts on presenting just one offer on a call versus 3 offers (high, middle, and low) so the caller can see the value of each and choose whichever is the right one for them based on price and the details of each offer? (eg of this would be VIP day/1:1 coaching/group coaching versus just offering the 1:1 coaching).

Question asked at 20:54 minutes: I am a psychotherapist and relationship coach and I created my offer for 3 months of coaching program that’s combining principles of psychotherapy, positive psychology, and traditional coaching and I would like to charge $ 5K, but I am I’m fearful that people would not buy my offer. I had a couple of experiences recently, one with a company that wanted executive coaching that they said that I was highly expensive than other coaches and with other customers that she could not afford. Would you advise me to reduce my price? Which range of pricing do you recommend?

Check out at 28:08 minutes I’ve asked Sanae: I’d like to know the best way to handle prospects who raised money objections? How do you keep them in the loop without spamming them with call-to-action emails?

I’ve asked at 33:28 minutes: I’ve tried to avoid talking about anything sales-related on calls, outside of telling them that if I feel it’s a fit I’ll send an offer over. I’ve had a few people that really want to work together afterward and a few that have really found the value in the calls and have found it okay to take the advice and work on their own. Is this a normal type of strategy or should I be trying to “close”, in a non-sales way?

You must listen to this piece of advice from Sanae:

Fast forward the video to 45:23 minutes when Sanae says:

As passionate Coaches and service-based entrepreneurs, more often than not as in 99.9% of the time, you are providing a service based on what you have overcome. You’ve been through some struggle, same challenge and you’ve navigated your way out. You’ve taken the long road and invested in learning and you’ve got all this experience and knowledge.

When you finally package all that together, it feels very passionate that you want to go out there and share it because it’s born out of your own unique experiences and a struggle of some sort. Finding the right balance will help you to close your sales calls.

The final question to Sanae and 3 tips that you can take home today and implement:

How can you shift your thinking to feel good about selling? Listen to the answer at 50:05 (while I go off-screen to open the door to my daughter LOL).

  • Preparation of your mindset pre the call. Position yourself as the specialist.

  • Understand the value of what you offer.

  • You don’t need to over-sell yourself to show the value of your offer. Focus on delivering the benefits (Payoffs) and not the whole process.

  • The best way to demonstrate your value on the call is by being an excellent coach by asking powerful deep-dive questions.

  • Stay silent, wait for the answer, and dive deep into those answers. Repeatedly ask “what else?” so that you find the hidden reason why.


3 TIPS FOR GETTING MORE YES’S on your Sales Calls:

  • Get an accurate diagnosis…
  • This means talking less and listening more
  • So that you are able to prescribe the best outcome. Don’t sell the process… sell the payoff.


I want you to know that you are not alone on your Entrepreneurial journey. The moment we make the decision to become our own bosses and start exploring running a business, we encounter many gremlins. And we can’t help ourselves from focusing on HOW to achieve our goals. However, this “how” feeling is keeping you stuck to explore the most important question that you should ask yourself: “What do I really want?”.

The same goes for your clients, you must hold a comfortable space in your sales calls and listen attentively to what they want and not overwhelm them too much with HOW you can help them.

Are you an independent coach or creative entrepreneur and want to put together your group program and/or courses? If so, then the 5 Steps to 5K in 5 Days Intensive will help you to transform your 1:1 process into a group model. Five little steps to be closer to having your 5K group program together. One of the benefits of this program is the support and accountability so that you finish it with structured and outlined program content that you can start promoting straight away.

My objective is that you design it and have it ready and in the 555 Content Lab, we are going to make that possible for you.

You Are Born With an Unblemished Mindset

It all starts at birth. The mental programming imprint starts to take place.

We become imprinted by our societal environment, our family belief systems (aka B.S), and every single “conversation” around us as babies. We go about our lives adjusting to situations and surviving to events that are given to us.

Babies are like a blank canvas, pure and unblemished. Babies don’t question what they are thinking. If they are worth the life they have or even wonder time to wake up.

They only have 3 basic needs, nothing else!

  • Be fed every two hours.
  • Keep them clean and changed.
  • Give them a sleeping environment and routine to grow.

Nothing else is going through their mind. They don’t question the fact that they are dressed a certain way or if they don’t know where they left their phones!. They are just pure human beings, not human doings as per Marisa Peer’s wise words.

I absolutely love this commercial! However, as funny as it is, it has a very insightful message of the technological evolution of the world and the factors which surround us every single day which influence our decisions and mindset.

It is obvious that a baby can’t come out of the womb and start searching on the internet. You must agree, right? However, the way things are moving in our society, this hilarious scenario is going to get even closer to our children’s reality.

When my children were little, I would spend hours just looking into their eyes and their content smile. Spending time nurturing their growth was my main priority as well as nurturing my body and sleep a lot. It’s fascinating how quickly they grow and I love every stage of their growth.

Children’s mindset is formed from the moment they come out into this world.

Look how they look around and process all the information they receive from the exterior world. Decoding all information like computers. Later on, asking questions to understand certain problems with which they are faced. This is how they learn and develop their abilities. Children grow through learning with their peer groups either in school, friends, and family.

As they grow as part of a societal community, they adjust and start finding solutions to overcome each individual hurdle. The Japanese parenting style of bringing up their children is incredible. And it’s often criticized by other countries that can’t understand or accept this way of living.

They are 3 stages in this philosophical way of parenting style:

  • In the first stage from 0 to 5, parents share endless love and care with their children. Children are allowed to do whatever they want.
  • In the second stage 5 to 15, their love doesn’t vanish. A child learns to live by the rules of society and tries to find their purpose in this world. Since the mother-child attachment is really strong, a child tries to do everything right as not to upset their mom.
  • In the third stage – beyond 15, a child becomes a full member of society.

The Japanese culture states that in order to teach a child to live in a collective society, it’s important to teach them to “see” and respect other’s feelings and interests.

Japanese parents do not mollycoddle their children. Instead, they encourage them to be self-reliant from quite early on. These parents also value maintaining high moral standards. So virtues like honesty, humility, honor, and trustworthiness become the solid foundations of their parenting culture.

In conclusion

I’ve given the example of the Japanese parenting system to emphasize the fact that our societal environment and the belief systems implanted upon us since birth have a huge influence on how we see the world and influence our decisions in life.

Have you ever thought about this subject? Let me know in the comments.

My Kensho and Satori Life Growth

Everybody grows through a combination of Kensho and Satori moments ~ Rev. Dr. Michael Beckwith

Insightful Growth and Slow-Burn Growth

When we start to understand that all the changes in our life lead to growth, our perspective about life shifts. We stop resenting the low moments in our life and appreciate them and surpass them quicker.

We evolve. Growth is achieved through painful moments.

Let me explain the concept of Satori and Kensho moments. Vishen explains it very simply in his Be Extraordinary program: “Sometimes the Universe makes us grow through pain. These are called Kensho moments. They are moments of suffering or pain that lead to growth. On the other hand, we grow through an insight or aha moments and these are Satori moments”. 

In my opinion, this is beautifully elaborated in the program that I’m doing at MindValley with Vishen Lakhiani. Vishen guided me through creating my own Satori and Kensho moments. He challenges us to do a ten-year timeline however I went further in my challenge and draw a timeline since I left my parents house to work.

I want to share a talk on this subject that Vishen Lakhiani gave. This short video explains it so clearly.

This concept idea gave me quite a few insightful thoughts and made me realise that how I took certain situations for granted and lingered in the pain of the moment.

Even though some moments in my life were challenging, they were all necessary for growth to happen and therefore progress to take place.

According to this model, the more you invest in your personal growth, the sooner the kensho moments start to dissipate and the Satori insights increase.

I truly believe that we all need to experience the highs and lows in our life’s journey. These moments are going to help us make our choices and develop our growth.

This concept is fascinating!

So when I look back on my timeline, I stopped at 2008 and reflected. Grab your own timeline and start journaling about certain areas of your life. Soon you will start to see growth everywhere.

I had a lovely Satori moment back in 2008 which soon after started to decline into Kensho. The Satori growth guided me into starting my first business with the help of a redundancy package. However, this started to decrease when I got prey to a huge scam and lost thousands in my venture, leading me to return to my boring 9 to 5. This lesson came my way to allow me to grow and it was very useful years after when I fired my boss.

“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.”William Shakespeare


I believe that our life timeline is already carefully prepared for us so that we can learn valuable lessons and better guide us towards our true purpose in life. It might a specific “time” to reach enlightenment and alignment but don’t rush it and be patient. Ask what you desire and know that is coming.

I want to challenge you to create your own timeline. All you need is a piece of paper and a line in the middle of the Satori and Kensho moments. Then go and see where your ups and lows are. Finally don’t forget to journal and ask the question: What have I learnt from this experience?

Feel free to share your breakthroughs with me in the comments. I would love to see your own timelines and insightful moments.





The Most Extraordinary Four Levels To Become a Consciousness Goddess

In MindValley’s Program, Be Extraordinary, Vishen Lakhiani challenges us to reject the inherited Bullshit Rules (Brules) that hold us back from succeeding, earning, loving, healing and growing to our fullest potential. Remember my article where I said that I wanted to “bend reality”? This is what Vishen is going to help me accomplish.

Since I’ve started MindValley’s program Be Extraordinary the breakthroughs have been quite a few. Vishen starts by teaching us the four levels of consciousness. He asks the question:

What was a shift that caused you to go from victim to understand that you have the power within you? Was it a book, a teacher, a movie? Or was it pain or suffering?

Today, I am writing about my own experiences and awakening moments based on these four levels:

Level 1 – The World Around Us. “Living in the Culturescape”

The time I went from level 1 to level 2:

My awakening happened when I had the opportunity to go and work 200km away from my parent’s house. It was an opportunity to start my adult life independent from the cultural rules that I had been brought up with. I was seeking freedom to express myself and to live life on my own terms. This is one of my core business messages. I want to inspire you to run your business on your terms. There is no wrong or right way of doing things and strategy is flexible.

Level 2 – The World You Choose. “The Awakening”

My experience going from level 2 to level 3:

The awakening happened when I packed my bags and stood at the airport in Lisbon thinking “this is going to be the beginning of your life Sofia”. I was moving to the UK and leaving everything I knew behind to embark on a new life adventure. Never in a million years, I dreamt of moving to a different country and seek new experiences, adventures and work opportunities. This was not familiar to me but even though it was unknown I was truly excited about what was to come my way and embraced it as “is”.

Level 3 – The World Inside You. “Recoding Yourself”

The leap from level 2 into level 3:

The moment I wrote my resignation letter and decided that enough was enough and that I deserve to be successful and turn my hobby into a proper business. I quit my mundane 9 to 5. Mix feelings of excitement and fear. Fear of the unknown and scared of doing it alone.

My senses were awakened when back in September 2014 I heard Simon Sinek Ted Talk on “beginning with the Why”. Something inside of me just clicked and I couldn’t shut up about it. This happened a couple of weeks before I resigned and it has been instrumental in my decision for following my dreams and starting my business.

Another awakening moment was when I attended Esther Hicks (and Abraham) at a seminar weekend in Amsterdam. That weekend was magical and full of breakthrough moments that I will never forget. The energy in that room was off the scales and I took home a sense of relief and calmness that I had never experienced in my life before.

I believe I’m at level 3 at the moment according to what Vishen explained. I’ve manifested my dream house, return to my home country and I’m doing exactly what I’m passionate about. I feel total gratitude for what I have, what I’ve achieved in life and for the people who I choose to call friends. I am present in the NOW and I trust the universe to deliver.

Level 4 – The World You Can Change. “Become Extraordinary”

A Sense of Connectedness:

I’ve met so many creative Entrepreneurs who feel stuck and frustrated with not knowing how to technically translate their passionate vision into the online world. I once had a conversation with an amazing coach that felt she couldn’t trust anyone with building her online presence. She was in tears and on the brink of giving up. She had been working with a web developer that did not deliver on her promise. This makes my heart weep. I know how frustrating and sad it is to fall into the hands of someone who takes your good nature and your money. (I lost £20k back in 2008 due to a scam).
I felt her desperation in my skin and in my heart so strongly that I knew in that instance exactly how to service my community and most importantly how to guide them into safety and towards their vision eliminating the overwhelm and the techie gremlins. I truly feel the happiest when I am guiding others to achieve their dreams and desires.

Tap into my INTUITION:

I never knew why but I’ve always had this 6th sense (gut feeling… call it what you want!). This has always guided me to make my decisions and to never regret my actions. I can easily translate visually any problems and turn them into solutions. My intuition always guided me in the right direction and there have been moments in my life that due to this gift, I was able to navigate through with ease and flow.
Trust comes from within and when I feel in tune with it, that energy expands and touches others. Being able to tap into my intuition allows for my creative thinking and doing to flourish and grow.

Inspiration “drives” my intentions

It’s my GPS driving me towards my dreams and desires. ALWAYS. This is the word that comes to mind when I reflect on this statement.

My mum’s stories have always inspired me to take action no matter what.
FACTS: My mum was the first girl in her village to wear trousers, champion at clay shooting and driving a car by the age of 14 (supervised by my grandfather, obviously!).
Mum told me a story once when she took her driving licence. She passed her written test with flying colours but when she went to do her driving test, her male driving instructor told her that she was going to fail because she was a woman.

Back then in the late ’50s, it was unheard of a woman driving a car. This was a man’s skill.

My mum was livid but she never gave up. She went back and persisted and finally managed to “bend reality” (LOL) and pass her driving test.
She’s my fountain of inspiration and every time I feel down and unmotivated, I pick up the phone and just listen to her voice and her encouraging words. I pick myself up and move on.
I can hear mum say: “This is not like you Sofia, let’s do it…you can do this…Força” (which means “have the strength” in Portuguese).

LUCK is on my side:

The moment our family made the decision to move to my home country in order to pursue a different lifestyle, there was magical guidance that gave us the strength and tenacity to continue with our new adventure.
We put our house on the market but it wasn’t selling for months so I recurred to the help of a Healer to help me sell my house.
We needed to sell to be able to find a suitable home in Portugal. However, something was not allowing the house to sell. We had enough viewings but no offers. I truly believe that houses and plots of land carry a history and energy upon them. And if this is not cleared, it can slow down its passing through.
The whole process with the healer was fascinating and I was fully committed from day one. Then after just one month, something truly magical happened. The house sold to a lovely couple who wanted to start their family in our house. I was baffled but not surprised. All I could think was “WOW that was fast”.
The action I took, allowed us to build our dream home from scratch near the beach. This has been a dream of mine since I was 12 years old when I dreamed of designing and building my dream home.

“Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson


I believe in transcendent energy (or angels) that guides me unconditionally. Mine has been guiding me for many years. I know she looks over me as I will one day look over another. Sometimes I feel “deja vu” events or familiar smells from the past around me.

We all have a STORY to tell and live. Our uniqueness and resilience make us WHO we are. When we find out who we truly are and how we want to live life to the fullest then life gives us blessings that we should feel grateful for.

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